The Necessity of Insurance According to Ben

Ben: "Mom, I've been peeing my brains out today. There has to be something wrong with my penis."
Me: "Ben, your penis is fine. When you drink a lot, you pee a lot."
Ben: "I don't know Mom. I hope I have penis insurance."
Me: "What's penis insurance?"
Ben: "You know, so when my penis is broken we can go get it fixed."

Ben: "It's OK if we have a fire in our house. You know why?"
Me: "No, why?"
Ben: "Because State Farm will be there, like a good neighbor."
I think we'll be cutting back on Ben's TV watching. The kid is a commercial juke box.

Handle With Care

Ryan: "Mommy... go potty!"
Me: "OK, let's go."
I get Ryan situated on the potty and he sits there for a minute. Nothing happens.
Ryan: "Oh no! Broken!"
Me: "What's broken?"
Ryan: "Penis! Penis broken!"
Me: "Ryan, it's not broken. Why, does it hurt? Do you have a booboo?"
Ryan: "No Mommy. Pee no coming out. It broken!"
Me: "It's OK Ryan. If you don't have to pee it's not a big deal."
Ryan makes an angry sigh and starts hitting and shaking his penis.
Me: "Ryan, don't do that. You're going to hurt yourself."
Ryan: "So? Penis stupid, broken! Hate mine penis!"
Ryan gets off the potty and storms out of the bathroom mumbling
"Stupid penis. No unnerwear, wear baby diaper. Stupid penis."