Bobbing For Apples

Ben was so excited to give his girlfriend the apple he picked just for her. He ran into the bathroom with the apple and a plastic bag to put it in so it would stay clean and safe. Then he got excited and started talking with his hands and dropped the apple, right into the toilet...

Ben: "This is the crappiest day of my life!"

The Tree

Jon (hubby): "I think you look better now than when we first started dating."

Me: "Um, thanks."

Jon: "I think it has to do with lack of bangs."

He meant my hair, but yeah. That's Jon. And this is where the kids get it from. The apples clearly didn't fall very far from the tree.

The Biggest Bad You-Know-Whats

Ben: "Mom, do you know who's the baddest? The Army, FBI, or cops."

Me: "None of them are bad. Those are all good guys."

Ben: "No! I mean bad like tough and cool."

Me: "You mean the bad you-know-whats?"

Ben: "Yeah, but I'm not allowed to say the bad word for butt."

Me: "OK Ben. Who is the best?"

Ben: "The FBI."

Me: "Why the FBI?"

Ben: "Because they have the coolest equipment. They have cars, trucks and planes like the other guys. But only the FBI has SPACESHIPS!"

Me: "The FBI has spaceships?"

Ben: "Yeah. You should already know this stuff Mom, but it's OK. I'll teach you."

What's For Breakfast?

There are many times I forget Ryan is only three. He is extremely smart and his logic is almost always spot on. True to form, his first few answers made perfect sense and then.... he's three again.

Me: "Ryan, what do you want for breakfast?"
Ryan: "Don't know."
Me: "How about cereal?"
Ryan: "No."
Me: "How about toast?"
Ryan: "No. Different!"
Me: "Something different?"
Ryan: "Yeah!"
Me: "OK, how about a shoe?"
Ryan: "No, shoes for feet!"
Me: "The rug?"
Ryan: "No, we play on rug."
Me: "How about a hat?"
Ryan: "No, hats for heads."
Me: "How about we eat Ben when he gets home?"
Ryan: "No."
Me: "Why not? Because he's your brother and you love him?"
Ryan: "No. Cause he dirty. He always dirty."

So much for brotherly love.

Stupid Monkey

We were watching Ni Hao Kai Lan and the characters were performing a play about a monkey and rabbit. The monkey king had to save a baby rabbit stuck up in a tree. The characters were worried and couldn't figure out how to save the rabbit. So Ben yells....

"You're a monkey! It's a tree. Just climb the damn thing! Duh!"

My Girl

Summers are always crazy for us. Very little time spent indoors and a party or cookout of some sort every weekend. So it has been a looong time since I've posted. I thought I'd share Ben's latest gem.

Ben: "Today a little boy pushed Sarah and she got hurt."
Me: "What did you say?"
Ben: "I said 'Hey! I'm a lot bigger than you and I know karate. So you better stay away from my girlfriend!"
Me: "What did the little boy do?"
Ben: "He ran away of course. I'm pretty tough, you know."

Don't Forget the Lyrics!

OK, so I'm probably the only person who is going to think this is cute. I am a bit biased you know. But here is Ben and Ryan's version of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

My Life is One Big Penis Joke

Well, it has been a while since I've shared any new anecdotes, so this post will get you all caught up on the craziness.

Ryan: "Shud up Mr. HotDog"
Me: "Who are you talking to?"
Ryan: "My penis. Mr. HotDog"

I was tucking the boys into bed and Ryan was cuddled up with his Buzz Lightyear and Woody dolls...
Ryan: "Don forget to kiss my Woody!"

Yes, I know this is wrong. Very, very wrong.

Ben: "Hey mom, did you know there are guys called man whores?"
Me: "What on earth are you talking about?"
Ben: "You know, the guys who are half man with a belly button and everything but they have horse bodies."
Me: "You mean centaurs?"
Ben: "Yeah, centaurs. But I like man whores better."