Trouble Ahead

Ben: "Mom, you know what my favorite letters are?"
Me: "No Ben. What?"
Ben: "T and A."

Ryan: "Shud up Ben. I can't hear me talkin to mesewf."

When You Gotta Go, You Gotta Go

A few minutes after tucking Ben into bed, I heard the following:

Ben: "Pshhhhh... This is Captain Ben speaking. We need to land for an emergency."
pause
"Yeah, I need to land the plane."
pause
"Yup, gotta take a poop."
pause
"OK, coming in for a landing, over."

You're Gonna Poke Your Eye Out

This is what Ben had to say about Ryan running around without a diaper on:
Ben: "Ryan, you need to put that thing away before you poke someone's eye out!"

Handle With Care

Ryan: "Mommy... go potty!"
Me: "OK, let's go."
I get Ryan situated on the potty and he sits there for a minute. Nothing happens.
Ryan: "Oh no! Broken!"
Me: "What's broken?"
Ryan: "Penis! Penis broken!"
Me: "Ryan, it's not broken. Why, does it hurt? Do you have a booboo?"
Ryan: "No Mommy. Pee no coming out. It broken!"
Me: "It's OK Ryan. If you don't have to pee it's not a big deal."
Ryan makes an angry sigh and starts hitting and shaking his penis.
Me: "Ryan, don't do that. You're going to hurt yourself."
Ryan: "So? Penis stupid, broken! Hate mine penis!"
Ryan gets off the potty and storms out of the bathroom mumbling
"Stupid penis. No unnerwear, wear baby diaper. Stupid penis."

Stick It

Ben: "Mom, sometimes I have naked dreams."
Me: "What do you mean, naked dreams?"
Ben: "You know, where everyone is naked and playing."
Me: "OK... what do people do in those dreams?"
Ben: "They just play and share their bodies."
Me: "They share their bodies? What do you mean?"
Ben: "Oh, you know. It's called sticking."