What's For Breakfast?

There are many times I forget Ryan is only three. He is extremely smart and his logic is almost always spot on. True to form, his first few answers made perfect sense and then.... he's three again.

Me: "Ryan, what do you want for breakfast?"
Ryan: "Don't know."
Me: "How about cereal?"
Ryan: "No."
Me: "How about toast?"
Ryan: "No. Different!"
Me: "Something different?"
Ryan: "Yeah!"
Me: "OK, how about a shoe?"
Ryan: "No, shoes for feet!"
Me: "The rug?"
Ryan: "No, we play on rug."
Me: "How about a hat?"
Ryan: "No, hats for heads."
Me: "How about we eat Ben when he gets home?"
Ryan: "No."
Me: "Why not? Because he's your brother and you love him?"
Ryan: "No. Cause he dirty. He always dirty."

So much for brotherly love.

Stupid Monkey

We were watching Ni Hao Kai Lan and the characters were performing a play about a monkey and rabbit. The monkey king had to save a baby rabbit stuck up in a tree. The characters were worried and couldn't figure out how to save the rabbit. So Ben yells....

"You're a monkey! It's a tree. Just climb the damn thing! Duh!"

My Girl

Summers are always crazy for us. Very little time spent indoors and a party or cookout of some sort every weekend. So it has been a looong time since I've posted. I thought I'd share Ben's latest gem.

Ben: "Today a little boy pushed Sarah and she got hurt."
Me: "What did you say?"
Ben: "I said 'Hey! I'm a lot bigger than you and I know karate. So you better stay away from my girlfriend!"
Me: "What did the little boy do?"
Ben: "He ran away of course. I'm pretty tough, you know."

Don't Forget the Lyrics!

OK, so I'm probably the only person who is going to think this is cute. I am a bit biased you know. But here is Ben and Ryan's version of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

My Life is One Big Penis Joke

Well, it has been a while since I've shared any new anecdotes, so this post will get you all caught up on the craziness.

Ryan: "Shud up Mr. HotDog"
Me: "Who are you talking to?"
Ryan: "My penis. Mr. HotDog"

I was tucking the boys into bed and Ryan was cuddled up with his Buzz Lightyear and Woody dolls...
Ryan: "Don forget to kiss my Woody!"

Yes, I know this is wrong. Very, very wrong.

Ben: "Hey mom, did you know there are guys called man whores?"
Me: "What on earth are you talking about?"
Ben: "You know, the guys who are half man with a belly button and everything but they have horse bodies."
Me: "You mean centaurs?"
Ben: "Yeah, centaurs. But I like man whores better."

Smart Kid

Ben: "Wow, I'm such a penis!"
Me: "You're a what?"
Ben: "A penius! You know, a really smart person."
Me: "Oh. You mean a genius."
Ben: "That's what I said. God, Mom. Too bad you're not smart like me."

Things You Don't Learn in Sex Ed.

My mother-in-law was putting together a portable heater for us...
Ben: "Grammy, can I help with that? I'm good at screwing things."

Ben stood in front of me holding a small basketball in one hand and a soft soccer ball in the other...
Ben: "Hey Mom, you wanna lick my balls? You know, licking balls helps you get big and strong."

I think a chastity belt is in Ben's future.