What's For Breakfast?

There are many times I forget Ryan is only three. He is extremely smart and his logic is almost always spot on. True to form, his first few answers made perfect sense and then.... he's three again.

Me: "Ryan, what do you want for breakfast?"
Ryan: "Don't know."
Me: "How about cereal?"
Ryan: "No."
Me: "How about toast?"
Ryan: "No. Different!"
Me: "Something different?"
Ryan: "Yeah!"
Me: "OK, how about a shoe?"
Ryan: "No, shoes for feet!"
Me: "The rug?"
Ryan: "No, we play on rug."
Me: "How about a hat?"
Ryan: "No, hats for heads."
Me: "How about we eat Ben when he gets home?"
Ryan: "No."
Me: "Why not? Because he's your brother and you love him?"
Ryan: "No. Cause he dirty. He always dirty."

So much for brotherly love.

My Life is One Big Penis Joke

Well, it has been a while since I've shared any new anecdotes, so this post will get you all caught up on the craziness.

Ryan: "Shud up Mr. HotDog"
Me: "Who are you talking to?"
Ryan: "My penis. Mr. HotDog"

I was tucking the boys into bed and Ryan was cuddled up with his Buzz Lightyear and Woody dolls...
Ryan: "Don forget to kiss my Woody!"

Yes, I know this is wrong. Very, very wrong.

Ben: "Hey mom, did you know there are guys called man whores?"
Me: "What on earth are you talking about?"
Ben: "You know, the guys who are half man with a belly button and everything but they have horse bodies."
Me: "You mean centaurs?"
Ben: "Yeah, centaurs. But I like man whores better."

Sweetest Boy Ever

Ryan and I were cuddling on the couch and I yawned really big.
Ryan: "Mommy, you tired?"
Me: "Yeah Ryan. I'm pretty sleepy."
Ryan: "You can seep in my bed. I rub you back."

Love him!

Self Love

Ryan was sitting on the couch looking at books when he stopped, giggled and started kissing his arms all over.

Me: Ryan, why are you kissing yourself?
Ryan: I jus so cute I can' hewp mesewf.

I agree completely.

Ahoy There!

The boys and I were playing around pretending to be treasure-hunting pirates this morning. Ryan was dressed in a t-shirt, diaper and bandana on his head. When he took off his diaper Ben yelled...

"Hey Mom! Ryan's a naked butt pirate!"

Handle With Care

Ryan: "Mommy... go potty!"
Me: "OK, let's go."
I get Ryan situated on the potty and he sits there for a minute. Nothing happens.
Ryan: "Oh no! Broken!"
Me: "What's broken?"
Ryan: "Penis! Penis broken!"
Me: "Ryan, it's not broken. Why, does it hurt? Do you have a booboo?"
Ryan: "No Mommy. Pee no coming out. It broken!"
Me: "It's OK Ryan. If you don't have to pee it's not a big deal."
Ryan makes an angry sigh and starts hitting and shaking his penis.
Me: "Ryan, don't do that. You're going to hurt yourself."
Ryan: "So? Penis stupid, broken! Hate mine penis!"
Ryan gets off the potty and storms out of the bathroom mumbling
"Stupid penis. No unnerwear, wear baby diaper. Stupid penis."

Rude Couch

Ben: "Mom, can I make a pillow fort on the couch?"
Me: "Sure Ben. Go ahead."
Ryan: "Mommy, pillow fart on couch? Ewww! It say excuse me."

Crafty Kids

Ben: "Mom, can I paint?"
Me: "Sure. You like arts and crafts don't you?"
Ben: "Yeah, they're my favorite!"
Ryan: "Yay! Arse and craps!!!"