My Life is One Big Penis Joke

Well, it has been a while since I've shared any new anecdotes, so this post will get you all caught up on the craziness.

Ryan: "Shud up Mr. HotDog"
Me: "Who are you talking to?"
Ryan: "My penis. Mr. HotDog"

I was tucking the boys into bed and Ryan was cuddled up with his Buzz Lightyear and Woody dolls...
Ryan: "Don forget to kiss my Woody!"

Yes, I know this is wrong. Very, very wrong.

Ben: "Hey mom, did you know there are guys called man whores?"
Me: "What on earth are you talking about?"
Ben: "You know, the guys who are half man with a belly button and everything but they have horse bodies."
Me: "You mean centaurs?"
Ben: "Yeah, centaurs. But I like man whores better."

Smart Kid

Ben: "Wow, I'm such a penis!"
Me: "You're a what?"
Ben: "A penius! You know, a really smart person."
Me: "Oh. You mean a genius."
Ben: "That's what I said. God, Mom. Too bad you're not smart like me."

Things You Don't Learn in Sex Ed.

My mother-in-law was putting together a portable heater for us...
Ben: "Grammy, can I help with that? I'm good at screwing things."

Ben stood in front of me holding a small basketball in one hand and a soft soccer ball in the other...
Ben: "Hey Mom, you wanna lick my balls? You know, licking balls helps you get big and strong."

I think a chastity belt is in Ben's future.

Um, what?!

Ben: "Mom, are people with dark skin nocturnal? Because their skin is good camoflage when it's dark out."
Me: Speechless

Awesome

Ryan was sitting on the potty and nothing was happening....

Ryan: "Broken! Stupid!"
Me: "Ryan, your penis is not broken. It's fine."
Ryan: "My penis not fine. It AWESOME!"

Self Awareness and Modesty

Me: "You're a crazy guy Ben. You know that, right?"
Ben: "100 percent Mama. I make crazy look good!"

Sweetest Boy Ever

Ryan and I were cuddling on the couch and I yawned really big.
Ryan: "Mommy, you tired?"
Me: "Yeah Ryan. I'm pretty sleepy."
Ryan: "You can seep in my bed. I rub you back."

Love him!