The Necessity of Insurance According to Ben

Ben: "Mom, I've been peeing my brains out today. There has to be something wrong with my penis."
Me: "Ben, your penis is fine. When you drink a lot, you pee a lot."
Ben: "I don't know Mom. I hope I have penis insurance."
Me: "What's penis insurance?"
Ben: "You know, so when my penis is broken we can go get it fixed."

Ben: "It's OK if we have a fire in our house. You know why?"
Me: "No, why?"
Ben: "Because State Farm will be there, like a good neighbor."
I think we'll be cutting back on Ben's TV watching. The kid is a commercial juke box.

So Much Craziness

It's been a while since I've posted anything new. Not that I've lacked the material (the boys are always saying crazy things) but sometimes life just gets in the way. So now that my house is relatively clean and laundry and dishes are all caught up, here's what you missed in the last few weeks...

1. The boys took a shower with Jon and when everyone was clean I squeezed into our tiny bathroom to dry off and dress the kids. I had to reach past my naked husband and Ben (also naked) to get Ryan out of the shower. As I reached between them Ben said....

"Hey Mommy, you're going through a penis tunnel! And they just keep getting smaller as you go."

2. For this one you need a little background... Next to Ben's pre-school there is an ambulance company so there are always paramedics outside in the nice weather playing basketball or just killing time while waiting for calls. When the kids are out in the yard, the paramedics are always great about retrieving any balls that go over the fence. So this is Ben's opinion of paramedics...

Ben: "Mom, paramedics are good guys. You know why?"
Me: "Why Ben?"
Ben: "Because they always help when little kids lose their balls."

3. Ben: "Man, my pants are all wet now from my pee. Thanks a lot penis! You suck."

Handle With Care

Ryan: "Mommy... go potty!"
Me: "OK, let's go."
I get Ryan situated on the potty and he sits there for a minute. Nothing happens.
Ryan: "Oh no! Broken!"
Me: "What's broken?"
Ryan: "Penis! Penis broken!"
Me: "Ryan, it's not broken. Why, does it hurt? Do you have a booboo?"
Ryan: "No Mommy. Pee no coming out. It broken!"
Me: "It's OK Ryan. If you don't have to pee it's not a big deal."
Ryan makes an angry sigh and starts hitting and shaking his penis.
Me: "Ryan, don't do that. You're going to hurt yourself."
Ryan: "So? Penis stupid, broken! Hate mine penis!"
Ryan gets off the potty and storms out of the bathroom mumbling
"Stupid penis. No unnerwear, wear baby diaper. Stupid penis."