Smart Kid

Ben: "Wow, I'm such a penis!"
Me: "You're a what?"
Ben: "A penius! You know, a really smart person."
Me: "Oh. You mean a genius."
Ben: "That's what I said. God, Mom. Too bad you're not smart like me."

Things You Don't Learn in Sex Ed.

My mother-in-law was putting together a portable heater for us...
Ben: "Grammy, can I help with that? I'm good at screwing things."

Ben stood in front of me holding a small basketball in one hand and a soft soccer ball in the other...
Ben: "Hey Mom, you wanna lick my balls? You know, licking balls helps you get big and strong."

I think a chastity belt is in Ben's future.

Um, what?!

Ben: "Mom, are people with dark skin nocturnal? Because their skin is good camoflage when it's dark out."
Me: Speechless