Playing Catch-Up

So I'm playing catch-up again. Here are some of the boys' most latest gems....

Creatures of the lake...
 
Ryan: "There's a lot of little fishes in here!"
Me: "Pretty neat, huh?"
Ryan: "No! They going to make me kid stew!"
Me: "They don't eat people. They eat bugs and worms."
Ryan: "Then I better hide my penis."
Me: "Why do you need to hide your penis?"
Ryan: "Because it looks like a little worm and these fishes look hungry"

What goes up...
Ben: "Mom, does it hurt when your boobs go up and down when you run?"
Me: "I wouldn't know."
Ben: "Why? Because yours are so small?"

The boys' rendition of Jingle Bells...
Ryan: "Jingle fart, jingle fart. Batman smells someone's butt."
And Ben had the instrumental covered with armpit farts of course

Sweet dreams...
Ben talking in his sleep: "Mom, what do you do with these things?"
Me: "What things?"
Ben: "My eyelid things. Do I get rid of them or do I have to keep them?"

Wise beyond his years...
Ben: "Mom, can I write a letter to Santa? I want to tell him that there are kids out there who don't have any toys and I'm happy with what I have. He doesn't have to bring me toys. He should just give them to the other kids who don't have any."

Take me out to the ballgame...
Me: "OK guys, who can think of a word that rhymes with tool?"
Ben: "Pool!"
Me: "Ryan's turn."
Ryan: "I don't know."
Me: "I'll give you a hint. Red Sox rule and Yankees.....?"
Ryan: "Suck!"

Rulers of the porcelain throne....
Reading to the boys: "This is the story of a Princess named Pea"
Boys: "Bahahaha!!!!"
Ryan: "Like pee from my penis! Haha!"
Ben: "Does that mean they have a Prince Poop too?! Hahahaha!!!"

That was just reading the book description... we didn't make it past the first page

Best buddies...
The boys when they didn't know I was listening...
Ben:"Ryan, you can play with me if you want."
Ryan: "Oh thank you Ben! You're the best brother ever! I love you so much!"
Ben: "I love you too Ryan. I'm glad you're my brother. You're my best friend in the whole world."     

Bobbing For Apples

Ben was so excited to give his girlfriend the apple he picked just for her. He ran into the bathroom with the apple and a plastic bag to put it in so it would stay clean and safe. Then he got excited and started talking with his hands and dropped the apple, right into the toilet...

Ben: "This is the crappiest day of my life!"

The Tree

Jon (hubby): "I think you look better now than when we first started dating."

Me: "Um, thanks."

Jon: "I think it has to do with lack of bangs."

He meant my hair, but yeah. That's Jon. And this is where the kids get it from. The apples clearly didn't fall very far from the tree.

The Biggest Bad You-Know-Whats

Ben: "Mom, do you know who's the baddest? The Army, FBI, or cops."

Me: "None of them are bad. Those are all good guys."

Ben: "No! I mean bad like tough and cool."

Me: "You mean the bad you-know-whats?"

Ben: "Yeah, but I'm not allowed to say the bad word for butt."

Me: "OK Ben. Who is the best?"

Ben: "The FBI."

Me: "Why the FBI?"

Ben: "Because they have the coolest equipment. They have cars, trucks and planes like the other guys. But only the FBI has SPACESHIPS!"

Me: "The FBI has spaceships?"

Ben: "Yeah. You should already know this stuff Mom, but it's OK. I'll teach you."

What's For Breakfast?

There are many times I forget Ryan is only three. He is extremely smart and his logic is almost always spot on. True to form, his first few answers made perfect sense and then.... he's three again.

Me: "Ryan, what do you want for breakfast?"
Ryan: "Don't know."
Me: "How about cereal?"
Ryan: "No."
Me: "How about toast?"
Ryan: "No. Different!"
Me: "Something different?"
Ryan: "Yeah!"
Me: "OK, how about a shoe?"
Ryan: "No, shoes for feet!"
Me: "The rug?"
Ryan: "No, we play on rug."
Me: "How about a hat?"
Ryan: "No, hats for heads."
Me: "How about we eat Ben when he gets home?"
Ryan: "No."
Me: "Why not? Because he's your brother and you love him?"
Ryan: "No. Cause he dirty. He always dirty."

So much for brotherly love.

Stupid Monkey

We were watching Ni Hao Kai Lan and the characters were performing a play about a monkey and rabbit. The monkey king had to save a baby rabbit stuck up in a tree. The characters were worried and couldn't figure out how to save the rabbit. So Ben yells....

"You're a monkey! It's a tree. Just climb the damn thing! Duh!"

My Girl

Summers are always crazy for us. Very little time spent indoors and a party or cookout of some sort every weekend. So it has been a looong time since I've posted. I thought I'd share Ben's latest gem.

Ben: "Today a little boy pushed Sarah and she got hurt."
Me: "What did you say?"
Ben: "I said 'Hey! I'm a lot bigger than you and I know karate. So you better stay away from my girlfriend!"
Me: "What did the little boy do?"
Ben: "He ran away of course. I'm pretty tough, you know."