Sleep Is Good

Ben: "Mom, you know how when you pick your nose a lot you run out of boogers?"
Me: "You shouldn't pick your nose at all."
Ben: "Well, all you have to do is go to sleep and your nose makes more. That's the most best part about sleeping. You get all new boogers when you wake up."

Rude Couch

Ben: "Mom, can I make a pillow fort on the couch?"
Me: "Sure Ben. Go ahead."
Ryan: "Mommy, pillow fart on couch? Ewww! It say excuse me."

Mom's Night Out

Ben: "Mom, maybe you should go out tonight. I think you need a break."
Me: "What makes you say that?"
Ben: "Because you are sooo cranky. Duh! Don't worry, I'll take care of Daddy and Ryan. You go have fun."

Crafty Kids

Ben: "Mom, can I paint?"
Me: "Sure. You like arts and crafts don't you?"
Ben: "Yeah, they're my favorite!"
Ryan: "Yay! Arse and craps!!!"

Boomerang Juice

Me: "Benjamin, stop lying. Your brother did not spit juice at the back of his own head. That's impossible."
Ben: "No it not. It was boomerang juice. He spit and it go all the way around to his hair and back to his face."

My Son The Hooker

Ben was trying to pick things up with a plastic hook and was struggling to lift a toy. This is the conversation that followed:

Me: "Ben, I'm not sure you are going to be able to pick that up."
Ben: "Mom, I'm a hooker. I can pick up anything."

Ben on What Money CAN Buy

Ben: "Mom our new neighbor is pretty."
Me: "Yes, she is."
Ben: "Why don't you have boobs like her?"
Me: "Because we can't afford them."
Ben: "You can buy boobs?! I love boobs! Can we get some?"